My world! :)

You know I always stay up without sleepin',
And think to myself,
Where do I belong forever,
In whose arms, the time and place?

Can't help it if I space in a daze,
My eyes tune out the other way,
I may switch off and go in a daydream,
In this head my thoughts are deep,
But sometimes I can't even speak,
Would someone be and not pretend? I'm off again in my world

I never spend less than an hour,
Washin' my hair in the shower,
It always takes five hours to make it straight,
So I'll braid it in a zillion braids,
Though it may take all friggin' day,
There's nothin' else better to do anyway.

When you're all alone in the lands of forever,
Lay under the milky way,
On and on it's getting too late out,
I'm not in love this time this night.

-By Avril Lavigne

I wanna run with the Wild Horses

All I want is...
To face the fear but, not feel scared

Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
& run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses!

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare back, care free along the shore
If only that someone, was me-
Jumping head first headlong without a thought
To act and damn the consequence!
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

I wanna run with the wild horses

Loosing my Way

Can anybody out there hear me? 'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me? 'Cause I can't seem to see myself...
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me? 'Cause I can't seem to feel myself.

I'm losing my way I keep losing my way...

I don't know what to make of my life right now...
One day I'm flying high on optimism, seeing the future and loving it, enjoying the laughter and the late nights. The next, I'm wallowing in self pity wondering to myself where the time went and trying to cope with the burden of school. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down right? Well right now, I'm down; I am very much down. Very down. And I'm trying to talk to myself telling myself to remain calm and breathe.
This is such a struggle for me. I am balancing school and trying to confine my social time. It's not working-nothing of it is working and everyday is a struggle. I want it to stop.

Scared Of Lonely

I'm in this fight and I'm swinging and my arms are getting tired
I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time
I'm sinking in the sand and I can barely stand
I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'M SCARED OF LONELY

I try to be patient but I'm hurting deep inside
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home?
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'M SCARED OF LONELY

And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'M SCARED OF LONELY, I'M SCARED OF LONELY

I need your break when nobody is around
'Cause I'm tired of this emptiness
I think I'm drowning, I can't be lonely
And I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

...I'M SCARED OF LONELY

-(lyrics by Beyonce)

For Michael...

I Remember The Time- One of my first amazing encounters: He had the honor of doing, "Will You Be There," the Free Willy Song. Willy finally makes it to freedom swimming into the sunset, and then the song starts; building on the hums of the choir, and Michael Jackson, for me, became a certified idol.

How does he do it?? How does he move to the music so gracefully, and yet so powerfully on any stage?? The crowds of thousands seem to be worshiping him. How could he erupt an audience with only the stretch of his hands. He had moves like noooooooo other.
He was Bad, he was Dangerous. I remember the Moon Walk; the Phenomenon. I remember his lyrics that could unite hearts; the lyrics that yearned to Heal the World. I remember the dance moves, the electricity, the leather, the hat, the glove, glasses, socks, jackets,zippers,belts,the Thriller! ...the knees, the ankles, the toes, the hips the crotch the kick! ...And the Nose. There was non before, and there will be none after.
I heard of John Lennon, (The Beatles), Princess Diana, The Pope, Bob Marley, Sinatra, Elvis; but I never knew them like I knew Michael, I saw his evolution, I witnessed his unmerciful doses of performance. I saw him grow from an adult to a King. He took me from the"ABC's" and left me "Speechless." He amazed me, he moved me; I couldn't help looking like a fool trying to dance like Michael, but I didn't care. It was only Michael and me when I listened to him, no one else around; Michael Rocked my World.
He would never shout, he would Scream; he would never belt, he would cry.

There was a mystery, no doubt; he was a mystery. Could anyone command so much love, such a following, and still be a natural and normal human being? Michael Jackson was The Man in the Mirror, ever evolving, ever changing. He evolved as a musician as he did as a man. But it never mattered whether he was Black or White. I love him.
Yesterday, Today and Forever.

Gone too Soon

The List

So I have this routine: wake up, tidy up, tidy ME up, (before or after I have breakfast), stretch, exercise, READ, facebook, email, do Spanish, do music, go jogging. That list has so far proved to be only a theoretical plan, for I do only few of the days' scheduled activities, the main activity being facebook; yes I do manage to get some reading in and just recently I took the spanish book out of its storage; so to look on the bright side I am progressing! I would love to be able to do more of my other "duties,"or rather, a little less of facebook. There is no doubt that I have an addiction and the excuse that it is summer, is not acceptable. Practices like this may start out harmless but after a while they become so routine and complacent thinking things are under control and before it can be stopped it becomes an addiction; a full blown addiction. Facebook has become an addiction and I am hooked.
The fact that all I can only afford to accomplish roughly only two tasks daily speaks to my discipline. Simply put I don't have much of it, and it is embarrassing. I am embarrassed at myself. This week coming will be my fourth week of summer vacation and so far it has been rather wasteful. I really want to turn things around for myself but my discipline wilts and wilts with each passing day. Hopefully, by evaluating myself through this blog I can wake up tomorrow with a new dose of discipline to get through more things on my list. But I know it cannot happen in a day or one night or even after one blog post and I am beginning to realize it is a process that I will have to work on and build on, a long process that will take time but that needs to be done. Doing it now will surely help me in Sept when I really need it.

And the second scene was a sex scene...

Now I don't mean to sound miserable by making this blog entry, (only the second entry on my blog spot) a complaint; but I really wanted to vent about how annoyed I am that USA network needed to reassure its viewers of their 'commitment' to providing (good) T.V. by placing a sex scene in the second scene, within the first 15 minutes of the premier episode of their brand new series Royal Pains. ...I mean! the episode was going so well, had all the right elements- good looking leading man, toned, confident, trusting career as a doctor, (they even gave us a heroic side with him saving a man's life using only gym bags and an old door.) gym bags!! Now that's a hero. Then right after that amazing stunt, comes the lady. (There is always a lady), skinny, sexy, sleek, YOUNG lady, swept off her feet by the charm and smooth moves of the newly crowned doctor-hero-guy. And before I can acquaint myself with her ass, he goes and beds her, not even dining her first; nope! Just beds her. There is our reassurance ladies and gentlemen. We need not worry about the future of this series. ;)
But rather than attracting my attention, it turns me off. Let ME search for the 'missing element.' Leave the mystery in, give me something to look forward to, let me beg for the damn sex!!
If they had even waited at least 20 mins to add their "mandatory" sex scene, then maybe I would have considered the series, but I don't think after this episode I will be doing any such thing.
My trusty USA network that I has always been faithful in providing me with those never ending repeat episodes of Law&Order; the people that always guarntee me my addictive lapsed seasons of House, the station that I can rely on to give me my yearly dosage of Home Alone every Christmas, has indeed failed with their presentation of this new series. Royal Pains was literally a royal pain.
Now I must go, I need to wash this bad taste out of my mouth.